Why Logic Doesn’t Work in Arguments (And What to Do Instead)

You’ve probably been there: you make perfectly logical points in an argument, but your words are met with silence, frustration, or defensiveness. Or maybe the other person counters your logic with more emotion. That’s because relationships don’t respond to logic the way debates do. In arguments, emotional wiring, not reason, usually runs the show.

1. The Heart Doesn’t Care About Facts

When emotions run high, facts fall flat. Mario often says that arguments aren’t won by logic. They’re lost when people don’t feel heard:

“At Happy Couples Win, we show couples how to save and build their relationships by focusing on emotional triggers that create happy emotions and managing triggers that cause stress.” — Mario Che 

In heated moments, your partner isn’t asking for data or diagrams. They want to feel understood, seen, and safe.

2. Logic Feels Cold When You’re Upset

If someone is hurt or defensive, logic can feel like fuel, pushing them further away. Mario underscores the importance of emotional awareness over reason:

“Understanding human behaviour is the key to saving relationships.” — Mario Che That means you need to tune into how your partner feels, not just what’s being said.

3. Connection Comes First, Logic Comes Later

Here’s a better process: start emotionally, then move to solutions.

• Pause the logic and ask with genuine curiosity: “How are you feeling right now?”

• Reflect: “Sounds like you’ve been overwhelmed.”

• Once emotions have eased, you can say something like, “I’ve noticed this issue. Do you want to talk it through together?”

By taking this route, you build trust first and openness to logic follows more naturally.

4. Focus on Emotional Triggers—not Just Facts

Mario’s GOATSWIN method helps you identify and shift emotional triggers:

• Know which triggers bring you closer: compliments, reassurance, or shared humor

• Recognize triggers that set you off: tone, interruptions, dismissive phrases

Instead of launching with facts, lead with these triggers. “I appreciate your effort today” gets more traction than “Actually, you didn’t finish the task”.

5. Practice Emotional Presence

Change doesn’t happen overnight. Mario’s programs emphasize small, daily changes instead of one big breakthrough:

“Spend at least 96 minutes every day in activities that will lead you to your goals.” — Mario Che

Shift that focus to emotional connection and spend a few minutes each day listening, hugging, or checking in without agenda. These micro-moments build the emotional ground where even tough conversations can happen with respect.

What This Looks Like in a Real Argument

Say you're frustrated your partner left dishes out:

• Logical route: “You always leave dishes. It’s disrespectful. You need to change.”

• Emotional route: “Hey, I feel stressed when the dishes pile up. I want to feel relaxed at home, not overwhelmed. Can we figure out something that works for both of us?”
  

The first feels like blame. The second feels like, “I want peace with you.” And that's an invitation, not an accusation.

Wrapping Up

Logic has its place, but not in the middle of emotional storms. If you want to truly connect, you need to step into the emotional space first: listen, reflect, reassure. Then and only then, does logic become useful.

Let emotion lead the way, and reason will follow.